Prayer and Blessings.

I know I need to continue my story about my marriage to my soon to be ex, but something more positive came my way. I felt the need to share this first.

Prayer is a powerful thing. I have prayed on and off my entire life. It's something I do not take lightly. I prayed to find someone to help me heal myself, and God sent me Alex. 

At first, I didn't think Alex was the one. I kept praying and God kept showing me Alex was indeed the one, and why. He really has been the best person for me. He is kind, understanding, caring, compassionate. He has helped me heal, and grow and learn as a person. Together, we have worked towards our goal of becoming a family. He has a daughter from a previous relationship and I absolutely adore her. She is the best little thing since sliced bread. She has already met my family and fits right in. 

Annie and her are best little friends. She loves all her new cousins, like KyLeigh, Laiden and Palmer. She loves helping Andrew. My whole family adores her as well. She fits right into our lives so easily. I love watching her learn and grow as well.

I was so happy when Alex finally let me meet her and be a part of her life. I've always wanted children. For years, I have tried to have kids. Many negative tests, many nights crying because I couldn't get pregnant... It hurt. The more I tried, the more I seemed to fail. I tried several medications to help, and all it did was make me sick. Super duper sick. 

My obgyn back home tried to help. She suspected my ex had some issues and tried to get him to get tested and checked out, just to rule out that. He refused every time, but always wanted to blame me. I was the one with PCOS. I was the one who couldn't do what a woman is designed to do. To make matters worse, his parents were the WORST about asking me CONSTANTLY about having children. When were we getting pregnant? Why weren't we trying harder? Oh, my daughter took this medication and its supposed to help, you should try it. We need grandchildren! 

It was a constant struggle and it just kept making me mad and sad. Then this customer at my job at the time got it stuck in her mind that I needed a baby too. I explained to her my health issues and struggles, and she repaid that pain by bringing me baby items, books, anything baby related. Always telling me how to get pregnant, how to track my cycle... just everything I was doing and knew... and it broke me. I gave up after that.

I started telling everyone I no longer wanted to have children. It was easier than explaining all the prayers and work that I put into trying. All the pain and suffering I had been through. More people seemed to accept the fact that I didn't want children a lot easier than the fact that I couldn't conceive. 

It made me bitter. Every time a friend or relative got pregnant, I would get more and more bitter. I saw their happiness and was jealous. 

However, God works in mysterious ways. Instead of having my own with my ex, we just took over Kaylee for a while. We would borrow her and spoil her. It seemed to help fill that empty hole in my heart, and got most people off my back. At least, until my ex did what he did.

At first, I was broken. Even though he put me through years and years of hell, it hurt to let him go. He was all I knew. I kept praying for healing. It was hard alone, so I prayed for someone to help me. I met a couple of different guys, and boy was I stupid about them. But then Alex found me. 

The more I prayed, the more God showed me why Alex was the answer. Since being with him, I realized how much I love him and his daughter. I want to be a family with him, and to grow our family. We have talked this over so much, and he has always been very supportive.

I had an appointment with a psychiatrist two months ago. I took Alex because my memory is still slightly unreliable, and I wanted the doctor to have all the information she needed. He mostly stayed in the background and stayed quiet unless I forgot something. I didn't think he was paying attention when the nurse told me that if we weren't actively trying to prevent pregnancy, to take prenatal vitamins. Even though I explained all that history, she said it would be harder, but not completely impossible. Later that day, we came home and I took a nap. Alex ran to the store to get some groceries, and while he was there he bought me prenatal vitamins. 

ya'll. I cried like a baby. I didn't think he was paying attention when the nurse and I were talking. The fact that he also surprised me with them, it melted my heart. I love this man.

Well, about a month into the vitamins, a miracle happened. I never thought I would see this day. Years of torture and pain, and it finally has happened. ya'll, we are expecting. 

 I am beyond excited. I have prayed and prayed almost every night since he got me the vitamins. I have prayed for a child. I know that we are not legally married (a small hiccup in my mind) because we already act married. In fact, if it weren't for this pesky divorce taking up so much time, we would be married now. 

Heavenly Father and I have talked a lot about this. The fact that we aren't legally married, and that I got pregnant out of wedlock. Heavenly Father and I have an understanding. Alex and I love each other. We want to be a family, and we will be. This is the biggest blessing in my life, and I am so happy to have an amazing partner in life. I am so happy.