My happiness.

My posts these days are very dark and full of depression. It's been my life for so long that it is hard to distinguish true happiness from a false cover.

I tried to be happy. I tried putting it into the universe in hopes it would one day be bestowed upon me. 

It has taken me entirely too long to figure most of this out. Alex has been a huge help with all of this. I'd honestly be lost without him. He is the embodiment of a good man. 

This post is to remind me of things that make me genuinely happy, to help remind myself that my life has not been all bad.

Firstly, all my babies. Kaylee, KyLeigh, Laiden, Willow, Annie, Palmer, Andrew. My Alex. And my Tabby.

Bodies of clean water. Like pools or a bath tub. Being in the water makes me so happy. It is hard to remind myself of this these days, living in Colorado in an apartment with just a shower. 

Plants. Succulents, flowers, shrubs and trees. I miss my garden from the apartment downtown back home. It was wonderful until the landlord had it cut down. Then I had some plants I carried with me to April's and my mom's that I unfortunately had to leave behind. I can not wait to start back here.

Painting: I love the feel of acrylic against canvas. Sitting outside, fresh air, light music in the background; just me and my paint. 

Reading: I do miss reading so much. Not the nonsense of social media or the outrageous stuff being shared throughout this country. A great fiction book. My anxiety and depression has my attention at an all-time low. Makes it hard to focus.

Photography: this is the big one. I've always loved photography and everything about it. Once we get settled in and established here, I have been given a blessing and encouragement to get a new DSLR and continue.

Baking/cooking: I love to bake and cook. Lately I've even been trying new things. I can't wait to continue to practice and learn to become better.

And last but not least, my furballs. Even though they hate each other, Chubby and Tyrion are my babies.